Dreams of marriage . . . candlelight and romance . . . tackling projects together. . . kids that look like you, and act like him (or vice versa) . . . retirement days to travel and enjoy one another and the family. What was your dream for marriage?
Many of us don’t think about disability when we dream about marriage. But here we are, with wheelchairs, memory loss, seizures, spasms, paralysis or some other constant partner in our family because we either married into disability or one of you acquired it after marriage.
Often we talk about how disability results in the death of our dreams. I know that can be true. I also know that while we said “better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness and in health” most of us don’t really understand what that might involve.
Let’s be honest. Are there any marriages – even those that do not involve disability – which do not deal with reality clashing with our dreams?
Early in our marriage we were taught that life would not be so hard if we did not expect it to be so easy. There is so much truth in that statement.
If you are in one of those periods today of feeling the loss related to disability, know that you are not alone. No marriage is easy. We all encounter loss.
Sometimes in marriage we see the disability as something to be grieved or overcome. There is nothing wrong with grieving or working to alleviate disability and it’s effects. But the final chapter has not been written. God is working good through our circumstances. How might disability be a tool God is using in your marriage?
We can all benefit from hearing from one another. Would you share how God is using disability in your marriage and relationships?
Stay tuned next week for some lessons I am learning in how God is using disability in our family.
PS – Kudos (or maybe since we are talking about marriage I should say hugs and kisses) to my husband Jerry who helped me find the right words when I was working on this post today.
In early December I had foot surgery. Prior to surgery the Doctor told me that I would need about 2 weeks of no weight bearing and full elevation with icing to get the best results. He went on to say that I should be prepared to experience swelling for up to a year, especially as my foot is used more. He advised that the more I held to the first two weeks restrictions the quicker my healing would be. In truth, I would still need to elevate and ice after the first two weeks but not as fully.
I heard those instructions and thought I communicated them clearly to my husband. I also thought that I could work an alternative healing plan., which I also communicated. I had in mind that I’d stay home for 2 days from the office and then return in one of Jerry’s old wheelchairs that would allow me to keep my foot elevated and iced while moving about the office.
It didn’t take long after I was home and recuperating to realize my plan would not work. The Doctor’s plan was best and was what I needed to follow. Surprise!
That experience brought to my attention several situations in recent weeks and months where my expectation and my reality (or life in the present) do not match up. It has taken awhile, but I finally realized it is not my present that I need to adjust, but my expectations and attitude.
You see I set both myself and Jerry up to feel I would be further along than was reasonable. I was left feeling disappointed when I wasn’t. Then the doctor tells me he is very pleased with my progress and I am definitely on schedule if not ahead of schedule. Wahoo!!!
It’s good to have a goal and expectations to strive for. But for me I think I need to temper those a bit more with realistic expectations (not just in this area, but most all ares of my life) which would reduce a lot of frustration I suspect.
Funny, as I am writing this Jerry is listening to his Bible app. Truly at the same time as I typed the above paragraph I heard the app read, “Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourself . . .” Romans 12:3 NLT
Coincidence? I think not!