Recently I wrote about rereading a journal from nearly 20 years ago. I thought I’d share a couple more entries that gave me cause to ponder anew.
Even in 1987 I wrote that I sensed writing was something God wanted me to do more; at that point through the discipline of journaling. I have always been one to journal in an “on again/off again” style. Perhaps this growing passion I feel to write is sprouting from seeds planted years ago. Once again – His timing, not mine.
Now for a direct quote from that journal:
I was struck by the power of my words, when I am not even aware of them. Tonight’s the second or third time S*** has commented on something I’ve said to her in a past conversation that she heard as an exhortation to her. J*** has expressed that as well Funny thing is, when they mention it later, or tell me how God used those words, I have no recollection of ever having said what they are crediting to me or even the general context. . . If my words are used without my awareness to exhort or encourage another, how may times do they tear down without my knowledge? I must be more aware to seek God and think before speaking (and today I would add, writing).
And that my friends is still true today.
Neither Jerry or I are big celebrators of New Years or ones to make resolutions. This New Year’s Eve has been spent like many others – quietly at home playing or watching games, puzzling, reading and writing.
I went on a hunt for a new journal to use for my prayer time (I have probably a dozen unused notebooks and journals). I picked up one that had only a few pages used, and began to set it up for my prayer journal. But first I looked at when I had written in this journal. It was 12/14/97; nearly 19 years and 3000 miles ago.
I have been gifted with a good memory (though sometimes that doesn’t always feel like a gift!) and as much as I think I remember about the past reading journals always reminds me of times long forgotten.
What was most interesting about this glance at the past was that 19 years ago we were in a very similar period of transition as we are now. We were living in California but knew we needed to move east for a number of reasons. We were waiting on God to show us where and how. Reading about the process we pursued and the lessons we learned was encouraging and a great reminder that God’s loving kindnesses never fail and He will continue to be faithful as He has in the past.
That move from CA to the east meant a change of relationships (and a loss of some) with those who had been so dear to us. The transition we are in now has also resulted in relationship changes with those we hold dear from our years with Joni and Friends. God knits people together for seasons sometimes and other times for life. I am grateful for those He has knit into the pattern of my life and excited about the “new yarns of friendship” that He’ll knit in during this next season.
Thank you God for leading me to this journal tonight, and for the reminders of your grace, love and mercy.