It’s Just a Little Toggle Switch, Big Red!

Accessible vehicles are such a blessing most of the time – until they are not! Then they become a huge stationary driveway ornament. That’s what happened at our house this week.

When we bought this van and had it modified for Jerry’s needs, the emergency brake was connected to a toggle switch on the driver’s door. Nice and handy for him to access easily. We never needed or thought about a backup plan?

Until this week.

Jerry got in the van and closed the lift. He locked in and was ready to roll. The last task before putting the vehicle in gear is to release the emergency brake. The brake is always on when the van is parked as it is necessary to operate the side doors and lift.

My cell phone rang, and Jerry asked me to come to the driveway and give him a hand. IMG_0503Neither of us could get the toggle switch to respond. We’ve had the frustration of being stuck outside the van when the lift doesn’t work. It would be even more problematic if we somehow got the brake off so he could drive, but then not be able to get it back on so he could exit the van.

After he exited and closed the lift, I tried to find a manual brake release. I came up empty. We called our mechanic, who thankfully makes house calls. We scheduled time the next day for him to check it out.

Sadly, it became clear that the issue would have to be addressed by the conversion company mechanic. After four calls we got the van scheduled for service. It will be towed to the shop one week after the brake switch died.

It seems crazy that the van works fine mechanically and the engine runs well, but it is not drivable. But without the release of the emergency brake, it’s not going anywhere. And neither is Jerry.

I’ve been asking God what lessons He has for me from this experience. I’ve come up with two.

The first is this. Life can look good on the outside. My husband and I can “clean up well” and function at church, in the community, at work, etc. and everything looks and sounds dandy. But something as seemingly small as a toggle switch can bring everything to a dead stop. I want to be more aware of the toggle switches in our relationship and deal with the small issues as they arise.

My second lesson is to ensure redundancy in any future vehicles we buy. All the other systems in the van have a backup, except for the emergency brake. That’s a problem, as we just learned. Sometimes in relationships, I’ve heard it said that if two people can do the same thing one is not needed. That’s just not true. I will celebrate those areas in which Jerry and I are similarly and equally skilled. We may do things differently, but still as effectively. It doesn’t get much better than having your spouse step in and save the day when one of your own toggle switches gets stuck.

Still Driving Mr Jerry

In the fall of 2017 I put up a post entitled Driving Mr Jerry. Almost two years to the day, we just our van back after a week in the shop, and Jerry is now in week two using his old chair, while wait for repair on his typical chair. I needed to be reminded of the truths in the original post. Since I did, I thought you may too. May you be blessed and encouraged by this throwback Marriage Monday.

This is week three of Jerry using his back up wheelchair while waiting on a new right motor for his regular chair. That means he is unable to drive his van.

If you live with disability in your family you know that this is not all that unusual, these things happen. Paperwork drags on and on, calls don’t get returned, repairs can take weeks, if not months. Most of us would win a Gold Medal if waiting or insurance hassles were Olympic sports.

Yesterday Jerry had scheduled service for the lift on his van. There was no sense in him going along for the ride. I rearranged my schedule and took the van to the appointed service, about 45 minutes away from home. The shop is fantastic and provides a nice waiting area. I packed enough work to keep me busy for three years.

322615_3126101352345_993835468_oPrior to the van appointment I met with someone who has a child with a disability. My friend commented about how weary she is. She went on to say one way she keeps going is to realize what a privilege it is to serve Jesus by serving her child. She asked if that was the same among spouses?  As I thought about it she went on to describe how my trip to take the van for service was serving Jesus.

My life goal has been to love and serve God by loving and serving others. Given that, my friend’s comment should have been no surprise to me, but it was. I love Jerry, which means that (most days) it is a pleasure and joy to assist him. But I had somehow forgotten that by serving him I am also serving my Lord.

That reminder put a new spin on my day. When I got home that evening after running other errands,  the unexpected visitors we had, the unplanned need Jerry asked me to help with were no big deal. Getting to love and serve others while remembering that by doing so I am loving and serving God changed my perspective.

Instead of fretting about not getting a Marriage Monday post up until Tuesday, I chose to invest in and love my spouse and the others God brought to me that day. I hope you’ll forgive my delay.

Knowing that sometimes people who have a disability feel they become burdensome to their family or close friends I made a commitment to God and myself early in our marriage. I would choose to show joy when asked to assist (even being woken from a sound sleep in the middle of the night), and to always complete the task by saying “I love you” and sharing a kiss. I have missed that mark a few times, but it is still the goal for which I aim.

push for helpWhat about you?  What is it that helps you readjust your focus when you are worn and weary?  Do you have a strategy you use to keep your relationships healthy in the unpredictable dailyness of disability?