Building Sandcastles

Katelyn. our 10 ½ year old grand-niece visited recently. She is a loving girl who thinks deeply. Our family planned a day at the beach while she was here. In anticipation of the trip Katelyn told me she likes to build sandcastles, but not in the typical way with buckets and shovels. She described her method, but it all became much clearer to me when we were at the water’s edge.

katelyn sandShe digs a hole close to where the water laps the shore, allowing the hole to fill with water. Then she digs in and picks up a clump of wet sand. Moving to her sandcastle, just a short stretch away so it is out of the water, Katelyn slowly allows the goopy sand to drizzle out of her hand, creating odd shaped squiggles piled on top of one another. She continues to build it up until the water advances and washes it away, or it collapses on it’s own.

Right away she surveys the situation, digs a new hole and starts a new sandcastle. Then, she looks at me and says,

“Sometimes it gets wrecked, but that’s ok because it leaves a foundation to start the next one.”

Girl, are you really just 10 ½?  You just preached a message your grand-aunt needed to hear and I don’t think you even knew it.

Little Kindnesses

This week I was the beneficiary of some little kindnesses that impacted me in such a big way I want to share.

Here’s the scene. We were ready to head home from Ohio after a family visit. The drive, with stops, is about 10 hours. We’ve each driven it by ourselves. In more recent years sharing the drive has proved a healthier choice. The problem this time was that Jerry was not feeling well. I felt cautiously optimistic that I could complete the drive home, but still had a few friends join me in prayer.

Man with Binoculars

When packing the van, the hoyer lift always goes in first. I rolled it through the lobby to go out.  I noticed a few business men waiting for someone in the lobby.  I took the hoyer apart, loaded it into the van and came back in just as this group was leaving.  One of the men stepped toward me ever so slightly and looked me right in the eyes and said, “you have a good day.” Odd though it may sound, that small greeting spoke deeply to me.  It said he had acknowledged my responsibility and wanted to share a word of kindness with me. It felt like God was saying to me, “I see what you need to do today, I am watching and will be with you.”

The next load was the shower chair and a portable table.  As I rolled these items out a different man stopped and asked if I needed any assistance.  I’ve done this so long on my own that sometimes assistance is more of a hindrance than a help, and these were easy to pack.  I thanked him but told him I had this ok.  Again, another small kindness that spoke deeply to my soul on a day when I felt an enormous weight on my shoulders.

I doubt I could ever identify these two men, but I am grateful to them.  Likely they will never know the impact their 3 to 5 second phrase made in me.  But that’s ok.  I know. And God used their kindness to encourage my heart and remind me that I was not doing this trip on my own.

I even had back-seat kindness on the trip – whenever Jerry woke up on he checked in to see if I was ok, and then went right back to sleep.  I am glad I could minister to him by letting him rest, and we made it home safely.

I came home grateful, and reminded that it often is the little expressions of kindness and grace we share with someone that matter.  We may not ever know if, or how, our words or actions mattered.  But Proverbs 3:27 reminds us to do good to others when we have the ability to do so (my paraphrase).

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Does Easter Matter on Monday?

Holy Week was last week. Easter was yesterday. Today life returns to normal. Or does it?

passion-3111247_1920If the reality of Easter means anything it means change. The One who conquered death rose to new life. By doing so he changed the course of history, and each of our lives.

Maybe the details of daily life have not changed (schedules, care routines, appointments, responsibilities, etc.). But how I live and experience those minutes and hours each day better be impacted by the resurrection, or it was in vain.

Yes, there are still going to be mornings I don’t feel like getting up first to prepare for Jerry to get up. There will still be days when I just don’t want to pick up one more thing that has been dropped. Times of having our plans changed at the last minute because his body unexpectedly changed course will still happen.

If the message of Holy Week, culminating in Easter, means anything then I will whine less when waking early to serve my husband. I will smile when there is one more thing pexels-photo-424517.jpegto lift off the floor. I will exude grace when helping Jerry adjust to his body’s request and while calling the friends with whom we had plans.

This weekend I read Just Show Up by Kara Tippetts and Jill Lynn Buteyn. I was struck by the way Kara (who was living through chemotherapy and then hospice care while writing this book with her friend), talked about “Big Love” and the “hards.” She endeavored to leave her family and friends knowing that even through the hard and difficult times of life we can share big love and make a difference. She knew she could only do that because of Christ in her.

share-2482016_1920Does your faith make a difference in your daily life? If it does would you share an example so we can all be encouraged? If you are not sure your faith does make a difference, don’t despair. We all hit those low points sometime. That’s the beauty of grace, you can start again right now. I’d love to hear your comments too – we want to keep it real here at Marriage Mondays!

 

 

A Foot in Two Worlds

Holy Week.  Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Easter Sunday.  This is the pinnacle of my faith.  Jesus whose birth I celebrate at Christmas as Emmauel, God with us, took the golgotha-1863767_1280ultimate step of being with me.  He didn’t offer his life on the cross because it was easy.  He didn’t carry my sin because it was light.  He didn’t break his fellowship with the Father because he wanted to.  He did that because he loves and wants me – and you – to be with him and his Father forever.

I can’t explain exactly how it all works in detail – that a sinless God-man died for me before I was even conceived, to forgive and destroy the penalty of the sins I would commit.  But I don’t need an explanation. I only need faith to believe.  And gratitude for this life changing gift.

I have been stressing in the last week about the  living with one foot in Pennsylvania andone foot in Florida.  Wrapping up living here while preparing for the life to be lived there. But whether I live in Pennsylvania or Florida, this world is not my home.  This is not the home I was designed for. sunset-3054191_1920

This week as I remember and celebrate my Savior and King, may it reinforce my focus toward Heaven.  Jesus carried my penalty and gave His life so I would never have to be separated from Him again.  He rose again to prove he conquered death.  He returned to Heaven to prepare a place for me, and for you. This coming move for us is temporary.  hand-truck-564242_1920Heaven is my forever home, prepared for me by my Lord.  I sure am glad I won’t have to pack or organize transit for that final move!

Driving Mr Jerry

This is week 3 of Jerry using his back up wheelchair while waiting on a new right motor for his regular chair. As I noted last week, that means he is unable to drive his van.

If you live with disability in your family you know that this is not all that unusual, these things happen. Paperwork drags on and on, calls don’t get returned, repairs can take weeks, if not months. Most of us could win a Gold Medal if waiting or insurance hassles were Olympic sports.

The difference this week is that I am back from my trip, and I am now, “Driving Mr Jerry.”  (Too bad a movie like that has already been made, I am sure ours would be a hit comedy)!  At least he is no longer housebound.

Yesterday Jerry had scheduled service for the lift on his van. There was no sense in him going along for the ride. I rearranged my schedule and took the van to the appointed service, about 45 minutes away from home. The shop is fantastic and provides a nice waiting area. I packed enough work to keep me busy for three years.

322615_3126101352345_993835468_oPrior to the van appointment I met with someone who has a child with a disability. My friend commented about how weary she is. She went on to say one way she keeps going is to realize what a privilege it is to serve Jesus by serving her child. She asked if that was the same among spouses?  As I thought about it she went on to describe how my trip to take the van for service was serving Jesus.

My life goal has been to love and serve God by loving and serving others. Given that, my friend’s comment should have been no surprise to me, but it was. I love Jerry, which means that (most days) it is a pleasure and joy to assist him. But I had somehow forgotten that by serving him I am also serving my Lord.

That reminder put a new spin on my day. When I got home that evening after running other errands the unexpected visitors we had, the unplanned need Jerry asked me to help with were no big deal. Getting to love and serve others while remembering that by doing so I am loving and serving God changed my perspective.

Instead of fretting about not getting a Marriage Monday post up until Tuesday, I chose to invest in and love my spouse and the others God brought to me that day. I hope you’ll forgive my delay.

Knowing that sometimes people who have a disability feel they become burdensome to their family or close friends I made a commitment to God and myself early in our marriage. I would choose to show joy when asked to assist (even being woken from a sound sleep in the middle of the night), and to always complete the task by saying “I love you” and sharing a kiss. I have missed that mark a few times, but it is still the goal for which I aim.

push for helpWhat about you?  What is it that helps you readjust your focus when you are worn and weary?  Do you have a strategy you use to keep your relationships healthy in the unpredictable dailyness of disability?

Living Under the Cloud

Tech geeks, I am sorry.  If you clicked here looking for technical insights into the cloud where our lives and data circle overhead, you are at the wrong place. I am writing about “THE Cloud,” as identified in the Biblical book of Numbers.

I am a planner. I like to know what is going to happen next. I want to be fully prepared. No surprises here (unless they are chocolate and raspberry!).

In our family, Jerry is the visionary. He sees that mountain out in the distance and knowsdachstein-2863756_1920 that is the destination. What he doesn’t see (but I do) are the miles of gullies, hills, rocks,and the ongoing forest of trees that we must pass through before we reach that mountain.  And none of it is wheelchair accessible! Our differences make us a good team, or at least as he puts it, “makes us fun to watch.”

My penchant for the process is why I have boxes already packed and sorted, though our move is still some time away. That is why when reading Numbers earlier this month I spent so much time pondering the adventures of the children of Israel. We know there were at least two million people making this trek through the desert. I am thankful I was not asked to be their trip coordinator.

They had GPS, but not on a smart phone. Their GPS came directly from God who told them their arrival time would be in 40 years. Rather than giving them turn by turn 0379a-img_3505directions, He guided them with a cloud by day and a fire by night. Directionally that’s all they had.

When the cloud moved they (yes, all two million of them) moved. When the cloud stopped, they stopped. When they stopped they did not know if they were setting up camp for one night or for a year. They just knew they were to stay there until the cloud moved again.

When Jerry and I travel if we are stopping only one night in transit I pack a smaller bag with the things needed just for that night. Once we see the set up in the hotel we decide if we can make it work with the slide board. If we can, I leave the hoyer lift, shower chair, etc. in the van. It’s just so much work for one night.

I don’t think I would have been a good Israelite woman in this caravan.

“What?  You mean I unpacked every camel’s saddle bags and all the packs on the donkeys last night and now we need to leave again?”

“Jeremiah” (the Hebrew root for Jerry), “do you remember which camel we packed the cooking pot in?  If we aren’t staying here long I don’t want to unpack everything, but I can’t find it.”

trip-1422608_1920I know the children of Israel failed God many times in their journey by grumbling, complaining and jealousy. But I have a newfound respect for them when I think about their 40-year journey.

I too can easily fall into grumbling, questioning, doubt and the need to control. Forgive me God. Lord teach me to wait on you. Seems like the skies are lightening, but your cloud over our home has not yet moved. Help me to make the most of this time of waiting; and to be ready when you say it’s time to move.

Just Call Me Sarai

I am a bit surprised that over the years my close friends and family have not nicknamed me Sarai. I don’t know how many times over the years I have read or heard the story of Abram and Sarai, but reading it this morning I was struck by how Sarai-like I am.

breast-feeding-1831510_1280Sarai believed God when He made the promise of a son to her and Abram. I believe God too when I hear His words to me.

Sarai waited for God to fulfill that promise. I have been known to wait for God to fulfill something He told me. Not always a patient waiter, but I can wait (though there was that period of time in my life when I could not sing the song “In His Time”).

Sarai decided God must be waiting for her to act, so she did. She gave her servant Hagar to Abram to bear their son (which was culturally appropriate at the time). I too can gethourglass-2910951_1920 tired of waiting and take things into my own hands because I “know” it’s God’s plan (at least the promise was His plan – my execution of it, not so much!)

Sarai had her name changed by God from Sarai to Sarah. With the name change came a promise of blessing, pregnancy, and descendants beyond measure, some even Royalty. When I call myself a failure, a screw-up, a hopeless case God reminds me He calls me beloved, His daughter, a child of the King.

Sarah, despite taking a wrong turn and suffering some difficult situations during the waiting, saw God’s promise fulfilled when at the age of 90 she did bear a son, Isaac, to her hundred year old husband Abraham. I have seen some of God’s promises to me fulfilled in amazingly unexpected ways and unconventional ways. Some I am still waiting to see.

So for today, I renew my commitment to live like a princess, who knows her Dad is King and God. What He promises He will deliver, in His time and in His way.

 

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